Sunday's Workout!

I went to the gym today pissed off and annoyed.  For many reasons.  Mostly my self judgement.  I'm so critical of myself sometimes it's crazy.  I need to change that and I promised myself to find one good thing to say about myself a day.  So, positive thinking will now be my main focus.  

Anyway, here is what I did today:

I just did the elliptical.  Burned 636 calories, did 5.45 miles in an hour.  I also lifted weights very shortly...I need to get into the habit of doing that more often but I really don't like doing it!  It's kinda boring to me.  I would much rather do cardio than weight training.  But, they go hand in hand, so I will try to do some at least a few times a week. 

I go back to work tomorrow.  So, finding time that works around both of our schedules to get to the gym is going to be a challenge.  I will do it though.  If I have to go at midnight when I get out of work some nights than so be it.  

Okay, until tomorrow, have fun!
 

YAY! I Reached a Fitness Goal!

I was feeling pretty sheepish today when I first started, but thanks to some great music (just made a new workout mix) and determination, here is what I did at the gym today:

Elliptical-65 minutes.  6.88 Miles, 795 calories.  My all time best so far!  That was on a setting of 4 for resistance and going at about 6 mph.  Sweet!!

Treadmill-25 minutes, 227 calories.  I ran 1 mile of the 1.34 miles done.  

A GREAT workout!  All together 1,022 calories burned in 1:30 minutes. Not too shabby. 

I ate healthy all day and am below my calorie limit on Loseit! by 875 calories.  I'm drinking a little tonight so hopefully by the end of the night my calories will be below limit still!  This will probably be the last drinking for a little bit, I understand it does hinder my fitness a little.  We shall see.  

 

Yesterday Was a Day of Rest

I took yesterday off from the gym.  I needed to have one day of rest.  My muscles hurt!  I ate pretty good throughout the day, but had some beers last night so I kinda went over my calories for the day.  

I will go to the gym today at some point and post pics later! 

Another Great Day!

Hello all!  Well, another great day!  Not only was the weather awesome, but my workout was awesome yet again!

Here is what I just did:

I started on the elliptical tonight.  I did 5.53 miles and burned 709 calories in 55 minutes.  I was feeling sluggish and a little sore today, but once I started I kicked butt again!  No better feeling than when you get done and you see what you have done. 

I finished with a slow cool down on the treadmill.  Burned another 120 calories in the process. 

All together, my workout totaled 829 calories burned.  I stayed below my calorie limit on Loseit!.  I'm feeling good! 

I bought a bunch of new workout pants because my others were getting too big already.  10 pounds makes a ton of difference! 

Well, that's all for tonight  I'm beat and I think I'm going to go relax. 

Stay positive, stay healthy, and see you tomorrow!!

TIME TO STEP IT UP, AND MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I need to do this.  I have been considering it for a while now, and I just have to do it.  It's about me writing....getting my feelings out.  My frustrations, successes, anxiety, anger, happiness, and courage.  It's about dieting.  Not just dieting I guess, more a lifestyle change for the better.  I decided to do a blog about it because I like to talk about it frankly.  I keeps me motivated.  It keeps me thinking about the next step and what I want for myself.  And, since I don't have a work out buddy, I think this will be a great way to keep me motivated and on track.  If you hate hearing about it, then don't read my blog! 

So, here it is.  I guess I'll start with my situation.  Most of you who read this are friends, mostly acquaintances.  We see each other occasionally, but sometimes months and months go by before we come face to face.  For those of you that don't see me at all, let me just explain my situation. 

I'm FAT.  Yup, I said it! Besides a stint in college where I was starving myself for the love of boyfriends, I have never been skinny.  I starved myself to 130 pounds in college.  I had tons of health problems because of it.  Not to mention hair loss, which I never really got back.  And, well, obviously that doesn't work because I'm big again!  I weigh 230 pounds (was 240 13 days ago, so I've lost 10 pounds already!).  I am "supposed" to weigh about 150 for my height and body frame.  That is my goal.  Short term, I want to be down to 200 in about 4 months.   I have been dieting over and over again.  I just had a baby six months ago, so I'm looking at this as a fresh start for me.  By my doctor's standards, I'm MORBIDLY OBESE.

I guess I never really think about it like that though.  I don't see myself as morbidly obese.  I have no health issues.  No high blood pressure, no diabetes, no sore achy bones and muscles, no vitamin deficiencies, ect.  I'm very active.  I have a job where I'm constantly on my feet and moving, stocking, lifting, ect.  I don't wear huge clothes. I wear an XL shirt and a size 14 pants.  To some of you, I guess those measurements are considered huge.  Lol.  But, for me, they are quite small.  See, when I was a kid, all through childhood I was overweight.  By the time I was in seventh grade I weighed close to 200 pounds.  In high school, well, I had ballooned up to about 320 pounds.  I remember my senior year.  That sucked!  I was just starting to realize I was big I guess when I had to wear MEN'S jeans because I couldn't find anything in the women's department that fit me.  I had no neck.  Seriously.  I wore a size 3XL shirt.  Mostly men's again.  I was huge then.  I think of that as being huge.  I guess that's why now, it's hard for me to think of myself as being obese.  But the reality is, I was then.....I still am.  This time though, I'm actually quite fit for my size.  I do 4-6 miles every day on the elliptical when I work out.  It had been quite sporadic the workout time though.  That's what I am getting better at now.  Routine.  I have developed a routine over the past few weeks of working out.  I go to the gym.  I love the environment there.   I don't find gym's scary at all.  I find them motivating!  I love watching all the "skinny" people work out, and sometimes, I'm working harder and faster than they are and I'm kicking ass!  It's very fun for me and somewhat addicting! 

This is what I did today at the gym:

This first one is just my warm up.  I did a little walk on an incline of 10-14.  Incline kicks ass! 

This one is the main workout.  I did 6.35 miles and burned 779 calories on the elliptical.  See, I may be fat, but damn I can put in a great workout!  That was all in only 70 minutes.  Not too shabby!  














I love the look of those.  On top of all this working out, I have mostly switched to a veggie/fruit diet.  I'm also incorporating nuts and seeds as well.  I'm just drinking water.  Very little meat, and if I do eat meat, it will be lean turkey or chicken.  I have been doing Loseit!  I love that app.  It is a calorie/activity log that is very helpful.  You can set up a fitness plan based on how many pounds a week you want to lose.  You can add friends there too.  It's a nice little society for dieting.  Check it out!

This is a lifestyle change.  It is a habitual change.  It will be a journey.  I'm not going to lie, it's going to be emotional.  You are going to hear a lot about me.  Some of you have never heard it.  Some of you have heard it several times.  Like I said, if you don't like it, don't read it.  But, this is for me.  It's my journal in a way.  This is going to be a journey to a better me.  I'm healthy now, but I'm going to be healthier.  I'm going to log every day.  Even if I don't make it to the gym, I'll be on here talking about what I ate, what is going on in my head, ect.   

I invite all of you who have a goal in mind to blog with me as well.  It doesn't have to be as much as a weight loss as me.  It could be ten pounds.  I don't care.  Talk to me.  Leave comments and voice your frustrations too. This can be a community thing as much as a "me" thing.  If you feel alone and need someone to talk to about keeping motivated, join me.  Come along with me on this ride.  It's going to be a crazy roller coaster.  Full of twists and turns, probably some reversing along the way.  Full of fear and adrenaline and excitement.  But, we will reach the end eventually.  It will be awesome.  So, if you are going to keep reading... see you tomorrow!

Halloween, Scotty, and Life!

Well, Halloween has come and gone.  This year we actually went trick or treating!  We decided that we would take the kids to Meridian Mall in Okemos for open trick or treat from 4-6.  Scotty was Darth Vader.  He loves Star Wars.  It was the only costume in the entire Halloween store we went to that he wanted.  He wouldn't wear his mask though.  Silly kid.  Here he is having a snack before all the fun starts!

 Here is our little bumble bee!  Isn't he adorable?  We got so many "awws!!" in the mall it was funny.  He was really good and was defiantly a big hit for trick or treating.  

We were concerned about going out this year because of the way Scott has been acting lately with his fits and so forth. He actually didn't want to go, but once we got him in the car and he got there he did so good.  He waited his turn in line and was very nice to everyone.  It was so much fun.  We were only there for a half hour, but at least he finally got to experience trick or treating.  I loved Halloween as a kid. We went trick or treating for hours and my mom and dad usually decorated the house.  I remember one year, my dad made a dummy out of newspapers and dressed it in his pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. He put a mask on it and put it in a chair on our porch, then he dressed the same way and sat next to the dummy.  Every kid that came on our porch got scared to death by my dad jumping out at them!  It was so funny and one of my best Halloween memories as a kid. 

Today I had a meeting with Scotty's teachers, counselors, and therapists at his school about his autism testing that will be taking place on January 17.  They all were very clear that they all agree he has some form of the spectrum, we just need to do the screen to continue to having funding and for him to qualify for special education courses.  It's amazing the amount of paperwork schools have to do to have a child in special education courses.  There is certain funding they get from the state for such things, all the resources they use and all the therapy they offer all have to go through a state mandated structured agenda. I had no idea it was this involved!  After his evaluation, his therapy and schooling will be more tailored to what he needs and he will have more individual therapy than he does now.  They also gave me more resources about home counseling for him that I still have to look into, however it isn't free and we will have to pay what our insurance doesn't pay, if it even covers it.  I still have to look into it all.  It's kind of overwhelming to think of everything that goes along with getting him the help he needs.  We are so busy and lead such unstructured lives that I'm wondering how we are going to fit all this in.  With my crazy work schedule, the new baby, Adam's every growing pile of artwork and jobs he has, not to mention his regular job we are hardly both home at the same time.  It's crazy here.   Sometimes I wonder how we will do it all, but I know in my heart we will manage.  We always do somehow!

Nothing much going on.  Now that I'm back to work life is busy busy busy!  Just working, taking care of my babies, and occasionally having time for myself.  I have been on a new anxiety medication so the anxiety attacks have been less frequent now, which is nice.  Once in a while I will have a mild one, but nothing near what they used to be.  Another great thing about my new medication is that it curbs my apatite so I have lost 23 pounds since being on the pills!  It's only been a few weeks, but I really have no desire to eat anything. I have to force myself to eat and when I do eat, I get filled up super quick.  I feel great though after losing ta ht weight.  I wanted to lose weight again anyway, so this is defiantly helping me out!  I went to the gym yesterday for the first time since I got pregnant and did the elliptical for a half hour.  I did well considering I havent' worked out in 10 months.  I am going to make it a goal to go at least four times a week. I think I can do it!  I want to lose 25 more pounds by the new year.  That gives me a couple months. Hopefully I will make it!!  

Any who, that is all for now! 

It's Been a Long Time. A VERY Personal Blog.

I’m emotional today, well almost everyday lately.  So, I’ve decided to write.  That’s what I do when I’m stressed. I'm going back to trying to blog again.  So, here's what is going on.  This is not an upbeat blog...it's a serious one but a necessary one.  

Many of you don’t know a lot about me.  Many of you aren’t my super close friends, and actually, I haven’t really talked to my really close friends about it except one.  My son Scott, my 4 year old, is eventually being tested (hopefully soon) for autism.  We are almost 100% sure he has a form of it.  Autism is such a wide spectrum of issues these days.  We initially thought it was just some sort of sensory disorder, but he is changing.  My son is cognitively there.  He listens and understands when you tell him to do something.  He knows what things are and is beginning to notice things more and more, like ducks.  He loves to feed them lately and notices them now when they are outside.  He is learning more and more speech and does new things every day.  But, his emotional and behavioral issues are what clued us into what was going on.  He is obsessed over weird things or objects, gets fixated on one thing for hours or even days, babbles instead of talks most of the time, is super sensitive to light, sounds, touch, and is super finicky with food.  He only eats a few things.  If something gets cold, he won’t eat it.  If something has a weird appearance he wont eat it.  He touches all food to his lips before he eats it.  He has rituals.  He throws fits for no reason and is super hard to calm down when he gets in those moods.  He is super active. He is in his own world.  I took him to the Meridian Mall today.  He loves to play there.  It has become more and more apparent to me how withdrawn from social interaction he is.  There was this boy there, probably 3 or 4 who was completely “normal” that wanted to play with Scott.  He was the only other boy there his age and he really wanted to make a friend.  But, Scott had no interest in him.  It was like he didn’t see him.  He didn’t even acknowledge him.  The little boy kept coming up to me asking why Scott didn’t want to play.  That was hard.  How do you explain to a “normal” boy that my son has no interest in such things?  The boy kept running behind him hoping he would start to play with him.  Scott just plays on his own.  He would rather play alone than with people of his own age.  These are all signs and symptoms of autism.  Textbook, actually.  There is no denying it.  We tried to deny it for a year.  We kept thinking it would go away, but it hasn’t.  

There is no way any mother that has a normal child can understand what it is like to not be able to communicate with your child.  I cannot have a conversation with Scott.  I can say little things to him and he understands what I’m saying, but as far as talking about what he did in school, or what he wants to do for the day are things that cannot happen right now.  I cannot make crafts with my son.  I cannot enjoy a board game with him.  I cannot read to him because he won’t sit still that long.  I cannot cuddle him because he is super sensitive to touch sometimes.  I cannot make a nice dinner and have him eat it because he will not try anything new.

 It’s a whole new world.  It’s a challenging world and lately, it’s really wearing me down.  I’m depressed.  I have no friends here.  I have no one that I can call and talk to or go out with to get away from it all just for a few hours.  I keep it all bottled up inside.  I have actually considered getting counseling for it.  I just need some form of release and someone to listen to me.  It’s hard to talk to my husband about it because he feels guilty.  Autism runs in his family.  Three men in his family are autistic.  One is his brother who is total non-functioning autistic.  He feels guilty.  He thinks it’s his fault.  But really, there is no way to tell how he has it or why.  Adams son Cody is perfectly fine.  I thought genetics can play into it, however my son's pediatrician told me that there is no strong evidence that genetics are a solid reason that a child has autism because many people have autistic children that have no autism in their family.  It could be anything.  It could be development in the womb, environmental factors, the foods and drinks we consume.  Anything can be a factor.  There is no way at this point to pinpoint what causes autism.  That field of study is growing, however nothing concrete has been found.  No matter how many times I can tell Adam it isn’t his fault, I know he will always feel that way.  It tears me up.   I don’t blame him.  I love him.  We knew that it could be a possibility if we had kids but we wanted a family.  I have no regrets.  It’s just going to be more of a challenge than we thought it would be.  I love Scott.  I love the joy he has brought to my life.  I want the best for him.  Now, we have a new baby.  There is always that fear that he will have it as well.  It’s scary. 

I also just wish people understood how hard it was.  People stare when he babbles the way he does, or when he has his fits.  They look at you and judge you.  They don’t understand.  Sometimes I just want to scream at them but they don’t know.  They will never understand unless they have been there.  I wish it was an easy fix but I know it is going to take time and a lot of therapy.  Scott has been in special education classes for over a year now and he will be there for a while.  I know that with early intervention Scott can lead a somewhat normal life.  I’m praying that he keeps getting better and learns to deal with his disability.  It’s a learning experience for us too.  We have to learn and grow with him.  That is our duty as parents of a special child.  I’m scared.  No, I’m terrified.  There is no way to know what this life is going to be like.  Will he have a normal life?  Will he ever go to college?  Can he live on his own?  Will he ever have a family?

Most people don’t have to worry about such things for their children.  I think about my brother in law.  He has been in a home since he was a young child.  I can’t image that for my son.  I hope that he will grow and flourish with the help he will get.  I hope I can be strong.  I hope I can be there and be active in his therapy.  With how much I work, it’s going to be difficult.  I just hope I can do and be everything everyone expects me to be.  I’m scared…..so scared.